This has been a long time coming.
Recently, in an attempt to broaden some horizons, I wandered over to a place I hadn’t been in quite a few years – Small, Drunk, and Bitchy. I was putting together some writing samples and, realizing that I hadn’t actually written anything substantial in ages, figured I would salvage whatever I could find from my abandoned baby.
I was horrified.
Who was this person? What was their deal? Everything was so scattered and bitter and… drunk. Was that really me?
I couldn’t let my lasting impression on the blogsphere lay with a half in the bag 25 year old I don’t at all relate to anymore. I’ve got more to say, and it sure as hell doesn’t have a thing to do with low calorie margaritas.
My last drink was on May 29th, 2016, and I hope to keep it that way. Between my last post on SDB and that day, I experienced both undeniable highs as well as life-altering lows. Low enough to challenge my perception of what acceptable is, and what it means to truly be a good person.
I am far from perfect. I still don’t believe with 100% certainty that I really am that good of a person. But, this is a life-long journey, and I can’t admonish myself for not being the person I could be tomorrow, yet. This blog is not an exercise in showing the world how much I’ve changed, or how everyone should take my advice because I’ve got it all figured out, now.
The truth is, I’m still figuring it out. A year in, and I’m only in the beginning stages of learning what it’s like to both be sober, and suffer from severe depression and anxiety, all while having a full time job, and some semblance of a life. I fail at these things a lot; I let my ego get the best of me, I let the voices telling me how awful I am win when I know they’re just old foes who ultimately have no say. My only goal, here, is to talk out loud about the journey I’m on to “figuring it out” in hopes that it might help someone else along the way.
Anyway, I’m not one for small talk. On to the existential ramblings!